I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
