I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
