She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
