By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
