I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
