You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
