I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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