If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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