I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I need a burrito and a hug.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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