I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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