I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
