Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
