If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
