Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
