I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
