Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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