I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
