yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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