I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
