at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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