I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
