1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
