I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
