I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
