I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
