So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
