That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
