Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
this just has baby written all over it
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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