i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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