i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
