i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
