I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
