I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
