There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
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Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
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when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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