Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
