Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
