Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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