I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
