literally had 100 drinks last night.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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