Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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