i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
