It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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