I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
