I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
