omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
