This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
