You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
