I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
