Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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