weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
