i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
