i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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