roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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