how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
