Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
