Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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