Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
