Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
