After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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