Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
