theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
