dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
