I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
