Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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