I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
