Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
