im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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