why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
