clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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