Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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