Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
