The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
