She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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