mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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