Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
