Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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