I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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