Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
