did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
