I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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