I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
