For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
